We had no room for it apparently, so it fled from us in neglected disdain.
We spent a month traveling, searching for a new home, crossing the ocean and adopting (WOO HOO!) our youngest daughter (still not home yet..) and coming back here to prepare to do it all over again.
I've been a bit flustered with God asking Him why things have been so hard. For so long. As in I am really exhausted and worn out this time, Lord. Please God, aren't you done wringing me out because there is just nothing left but a growing bad attitude and bags under my eyes...
Recently we learned that our biological daughter has a condition concurring with Down Syndrome that can cause stunted brain growth and reduced life span. In the middle of a move and an international adoption? What the What??
Someone challenged me that I shouldn't waste time crying about it since nothing could be done.
Yes, that's exactly what I plan to do, so please pass the pity because I think I need to just lay here and finish bleeding for a few more minutes before I suit up and charge forward.
Then a dear friend told me that I was being held so closely in the hands of God and reminded me of what I had forgotten.
But she didn't stop there. She said, " Don't use your difficult circumstances as a measure of God's presence."
So I started to think a lot about belief. And Encouragers. The "Lifters and the Lifted", if you will.
My friend was a Lifter, lifting my weary head back up to see more clearly the compassion of God.
Another Lifter came along and sent me scripture. Oh Man. I had forgotten what a balm God's word can be. Don't judge! Most days I barely get to use the bathroom by myself, let alone read my Bible for any length of time. In the midst of an adoption, the needs of your current family just don't automatically cease. (Mine just has indiscriminate timing.)
Yet another Lifter reminds me that God is using all of this for a greater purpose down the road but it might still be years before I can see that.
But the reminder is enough for me now.
He IS there when things just consistently seem bad/difficult/painful/wrong. He DOES have a purpose and a plan. He KNOWS what all this is for even if we don't. If you've been a Christian for any length of time, you can know these things. But we can forget to believe.
|A wonderful friend gave this to me. Total Lifter.|
I am the Lifted.
I have not lost my faith. It's just been a rough ride for quite awhile now. I see spiritual women around me having loads of devotional time or exercising awesome spiritual gifts like hospitality and ministry.
I'm afraid the most you will witness in me right now is my death grip on God's ankles defiantly declaring, " I WILL NOT LET GO!!" as my life is tossed around in circles.
Some times you are in the trenches too long and there just aren't that many Lifters around. I've realized that it doesn't have to be this permanent line in the sand between the Lifters and the (need to be) Lifted. Nor should it be. Some times we need to be Lifted and the only way to do that is to temporarily become a Lifter to someone else. Maybe scrape up enough energy to just have coffee with a friend and simply listen to her. Listen to HER problems and the break from your own issues is startlingly refreshing. You might end up realizing that she is going through a storm that you have already passed through and you see that you are not so very alone after all. Better still, God tells you on the way home that this is one of the reasons WHY you are going through so many storms...
All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4